Not really religious but love going to Choral Evensong. Always attend at St Paul's when in London and have been going to St Thomas's in New York for a year or two. It's usually on Wednesday but this week instead the service was a Solemn Eucharist for All Souls Day. Essentially a requiem. Didn't quite fully take that in before I got there. It was beautiful and I cried and cried and cried. I wrote Summer's name down on an envelope and left it next to the hymnal. Even tho she wasn't religious and I don't know if I am. Just want her to find me. After, I went to Chelsea to hear Joan Didion read from her new (released today) book "Blue Nights". It's the follow up to "The Year of Magical Thinking" - the former about the loss of her daughter and the latter about the loss of her husband. She's as fragile as I feel. A testament to grief and love in loss. I rode the M11 bus home up 10th Avenue stopping at D'Agostino's to buy fat free Half n Half and a box of Gingersnaps. I'm totally ruined, drained by days end - a crying hangover. Sober for 52 days I have this kind now instead. I'm aching for her. Always. Never stops. Only deepens, grows more keen. And then a surprise, the shock that so bereft i feel a stirring kinda love for New York. The way only the lonely and brokenhearted can, I suppose...
